Our Adoption Journey - Part 5

The Wait-

We finished our Home Study and profile in June of 2011.  At that point we were certain that some one would pick us right away.  I mean who wouldn’t love us, right?  So the beginning of the wait wasn’t so bad.  We kept busy over the Summer – went to the beach – worked in the yard – started on the nursery.  Fun times!  Then Fall rolled around and we still hadn’t been “picked”.  In our head we realized the reality of the 12-18 month wait figure that had been given to us by the agency, but in our hearts the waiting was hard.  Then the holidays rolled around.  I think Richard had his heart set on having a baby before Christmas, but that wasn’t in God’s plan for us. So we waited. 

Another part of our story that I haven’t yet shared is that although we had been married for 10-years at this point and weren’t using birth control, I had not gotten pregnant even once.  We were waiting on God and were really just enjoying our time together.  I knew that I didn’t want to do fertility treatments and given the long period of no pregnancy that was our only real option.  During the Home Study process we were asked to grieve our infertility and the loss of the baby we would not birth.  Because we hadn’t ever really focused on our infertility so to speak, this seemed like a foreign concept to us.  However, during the wait I really started to realize that there was a loss there…I would probably never feel a baby move inside me or have Richard talk to my belly or watch my belly grow with the baby.  I admit that once these thoughts entered my mind I went through a time of struggling.  I wanted these things as much as any other women who wants to become a mom.  So I grieved – I talked with some friends, I cried with some friends, and I prayed with some friends and Richard was such a great listener and my rock and the Lord was faithful to bring me through this.  So my advice – grieve – it is part of the journey. 

And through the winter the wait continued…

Psalm 86